PoDunk, Illinois Department…

This is a little story of car repair in good ol Peoria.  It seems the economy might have played as a factor in this bit it’s hard to tell.

First off, the idiot lights on your car should never say something stupid like “Check Engine” or “ABS”. They simply should be little yellow $ dollar signs $.  I mean, really, how many of us know what the fuck “Check Engine” really means other than a trip to a mechanic to find out. If the car is running, well, screw it until something falls out right?  Now the ABS light is another whole different kind of warning.  Your brakes start to feel like stepping on a sponge and that can’t be good especially here in Peoria where every traffic light is RED, like that fucking son of bitchin light at Main and Maplewood.  (That felt good)

Ok, you got a 3 year old car with around 70k and the little ABS light pops on and one might think, maybe I need brakes after 70k?  But where does one in Peoria get brakes.  I mean I needed tires but would you believe at the time I got tires, no place in PoDunk, er, I mean Peoria could cough up 4 Michelin 17” tires at once?  I had to settle for 2 and 2 were backordered. 

Back to the ABS thingy, I went to Sears first. Now this being a Chrysler, which is Latin for “Part of the Month” I wanted to know exactly what the code was for the ABS light being on in the first place.  At Sears, well, they don’t care for no stinking codes.  They simply pull the tires and look except, the brake guy was throwing up in the tire stem barrel and it would be a few days to get in. Left there as fast as I could.

Headed to Uftring Chrysler. Hey, a dealer should be able to get the code and offer repair and yes, they are bankrupt and going out of business, but they will appreciate the fact that I am giving them some business before they go, right?  Well, apparently everyone else in Peoria who owns a Chrysler had the same idea and there was no way I could even get a guy to plug in a little computer and show me the code until a week from Tuesday, the 13th of July!   But hey, they could show me a new car on the lot right now!  I left there as 6 salesman were chasing after me on the lot and headed south on University.  Now I’m starting to fell dejected, rejected, and confused.

I hit Merlin’s on University.  They do brakes and really, how much damage could they do? I went in, I was the only one there, and this guy, I couldn’t quite place his face, put down his banjo and asked, “Wassup?” I told him of my plight and he said he would get the code and check the brakes all for $69.99 but would waive the fee because I looked like an upstanding fellow.  I went into the bathroom to make sure I didn’t have a “I’m carrying cash” sign on my back.

He came in and said that he looked up the code, the left rear ABS sensor was going and Chrysler had a special bulletin on it saying that all 4 should be replaced for this model as the sensors were faulty and that Chrysler should pay to replace them.  The brakes themselves were in fair shape for 70K and he’d fix them completely for $140.  I was in 7th heaven.  Cheap brake job, Chrysler on the hook, maybe, for the sensors and this guy seemed to know his shit.

Melrin’s replaced the brakes and the ABS light was off.  He said it may stay off or may come back but should have a dealer look at it because of the bulletin.  I felt wonderful for most of the day because this Chrysler didn’t cost me an arm and a leg for a change even though it gets the gas mileage of an A-1 Abrams, I like the car.

Then, while heading to Pekin, “ding!” the frickin ABS light pops on and back to the sponge for brakes only this time a grinding noise has been added.  I head to O’Brien Chrysler, Dodge, and what the fuck, in North Pekin.  Lenny, a nice guy in the service department but looks like a hit man for the mob, says 7am tomorrow.  Bring it in, we’ll replace all 4 of the sensors for $370 and I’ll have Nick here take ya home or wherever.  (Why do service managers and finance guys at dealerships have no necks and look like the mob?)

Anyway, what choice do I have? So far 2 tires at $450, a brake job for $140, and now $370 for this ABS thing which by the way, Chrysler isn’t going to pay for because that is a 3 year, 36,000 mile thing and even thought there is a TSB (Tech. Service Bulletin) on this, you pay or in this case, I pay. A 3 hour job, max.  Well, I call back at 11am, the car isn’t fixed  because they can’t get the left rear hub off the axle and it is pissing them off taking another mechanic away from other duties and now I am thinking the labor clock is running and if they are beating the fuck out of this hub, I’ll need one of those too. 

4pm, the car is done, two mechanics are worn out, the hub and bearings that go in it are trash, but hey, what a lucky fuck I am, they happened to have a new hub in stock and they will charge me for it.  $370 is now $606.  Have a nice day and by the way, everything underneath your car looks A-OK but 2 of your tires are shot.  We don’t have them in stock.  No kidding? PoDunk, Il.

Now, the ABS light is off, the brakes feel great and I live in fear of another idiot light coming on someday.  The last light, the ABS light was only $746 not counting tires spent so far.  Oh shit, I forgot about tires!  Off to Tires Plus right?  I mean they are a tire shop and must have a tire that fits this pig.  They do! $400.  Of course the tires that need replaced are on the back so they now want an extra fee to rotate them to the front.  What the fuck?  They have the car up in the air. What’s so hard about rotating them now?  I refuse to pay the extra and tell them just mount them on the rear and let’s get on with it.  It didn’t take long before the tire mechanic came in with that look on his face that said; “Get your wallet, you’ll need it”.

“Sir, both your tie rod ends need to be replaced and we can do it for a mere $350 additional.”  I said show me.  Yeah the tie rod ends were a little tiny bit loose but this isn’t my first Christmas and I do know about these things.  I said I disagreed and he said; “Well, it’s a Chrysler thing.  They all go bad on these cars.”  I simply said; “Get the fuckin tires on and balanced, so I can get the fuck out of here.”

Ok, I have lost track but I think this week it was $1196 for car repairs at 3 different places even though I visited 5 different places. I did go back to Uftring’s to see about trading this in on a new car, ya know, one of those they have to get rid of by June 3rd?  Well apparently they aren’t in that big of a hurry to get rid of them after all.  In one complete breath, the salesman told me their car was worth the price on the tag and mine was a piece of shit because Chrysler is broke, yet I am on a Chrysler lot.  Sigh…..

I left dejected, rejected, and well, summer vacation down the drain again this year.  It looks like 4 days and 3 nights at the sunny Ragon Motel on beautiful route 29 in Creve Coeur.  If the car will make it that far.  Ahhh, life in PoDunk where you need to visit 5 shops to get two parts. 

 

This story is true but names have been changed to protect the innocent and wallet of the car owner.  Yes I took a little license but those offended will understand.