The Future Department…

Now that our city leaders have seen fit to cut of all things, police and police services, I thought it would behoove me to let my readers in on what they may expect down the road in a few years and after more cuts in non vital areas such as, well, police services continue.  After all, robberies happen, shootings happen, car jacking happens, fights break out at bars.  But nothing beats a great sunset blocked by a brand new hotel shimmering off the twinkling light, sunlight that is, as street lights don’t need to be repaired either.

So, if you pick up your phone and call the police, this is what you might hear….

Hello! You have reached the Peoria Police Emergency line.  Crime is important to us.  Please listen carefully as the menus have changed.

For English………………Press 1

If you’re Lebanese, hang up an dial 911

If you are a hostage……………Press 2

If you are holding hostages……………Press 3

If you are armed……………….Press 4

If you just robbed a bank or business……….Press 5

If you were just robbed or shot……………..Press 6

If you wish to report a burglary or break in……….Press 7

So, let’s say you are robbed and shot:   DINNNNNNG!  (Pressing 6)

Hello!  You have reached the robbery and shooting victim division. Your crime is important to us.

If you are bleeding………………….Press 1

If you are not bleeding………………Press 2

If you need an ambulance………………….Press 3

If you are about to pass out………Press 4 now

If you would like to request a special officer and know their side business number, you may dial that now…………..

If you are a City Council member and this is an emergency…….Press 0

DINNNNNNNNNNNG  (Pressing 0)

Goodbye…