Things that annoy me all to hell…

 

That State Farm dude.  That grinning ass telling me to ask my neighbor about the great State Farm.  Gee, I remember State Farm leaving Florida after a hurricane hit there and they had to pay out moocho claims.  Someday we’ll be able to hunt insurance agents.

As long as I’m on insurance, I think it’s time for Flo to go too.  Progressive get the picture?  Insurance companies aren’t your friends.  Ever try and collect a claim?

The annual Rib Fest.  You go, you pay for tickets and you can’t buy half the ribs you smell cooking.  What’s the point?  Sure, you can get something greasy on a stick and a luke warm beer because the beer people are too lazy to fill them as they are ordered.  Instead, they fill 20 cups, let them sit, and bullshit and hand out free beers to their friends. 

The new McDonald’s on University.  If they really needed a new building, then build one with the golden arches and make it a landmark.  The new one looks like a Chateau on the Lake but you’re still getting a grain burger in a cardboard box with fires and don’t forget after all that fat, your diet coke!

Chuck Grayeb.  Heeeee’s baaack!  Like a turd that floats and goes round and round, he hasn’t gone away.  He was ok on the council for all the years he was on it but when he cleared his throat and said; “ahum..” You knew you were in for a long spiel.  He’s like Bret Farve.  Retire already and besides, isn’t this the problem with Peoria?  We vote in the same people over and over.  Besides Chuck, didn’t you move to Chicago?  Ransburg you’re next!

District 150 school bus drivers.  Not all but say, 80% of them.  You can’t drive that 50 foot 10 ton bus like it’s your Hyundai.  Shit, getting out of your way and doing a tuck and roll to the curb, I can’t even get the number to call to bitch about your driving.  On the other hand, in a hurry and need to get through traffic?  Follow one of these buses.  They cut no slack and there is nothing more soothing than to see tiny faces pressed up against the glass windows by 5 G’s of force as the bus turns in front of you at 45 mph.

To the idiot in the Chinese hat that pedals what looks like a bike around Campustown.  You are not Jesus and you can’t walk on water but you might meet Jesus if you just ride out into the street without looking again.  Hell, you might meet Chrysler. 

Going to Grandpa John’s Ribshack only to be told “No ribs!”.  Really?  Then change your name to the Out Shack and I’ll avoid it completely.  In fact, with Famous Dave’s opening on the 4th, forget it.  You’re forgotten.

The new lane changes on Main Street.  Yes, I can read signs and I do follow the rules of the road but the asshole in the RIGHT turn only lane talking on his cell phone doesn’t give a shit nor does he, like most, bother with reading a road sign.  I thank my lucky stars that the police are apparently using quite a bit of resources to issue tickets to these people.  So, remember, on your next home invasion and or burglary, you’ll know why it took so long to get a cop unless of course you are on Main Street.

To the City Street department.  What do you guys do in the morning?   Throw a dart at a city map and then decide which lane of University at War Memorial you are going to block during rush hour?  It shouldn’t take a person 25 minutes to go from Forrest Hill to Glen Avenue on University.  You sit at the red light so the Arby’s drive thru window can empty out, then you sit at Florence, why, no one knows, then you sit and watch the gas prices go up (or down) as you wait for “forever red” to turn green only to be greeted by a flashing arrow which means the lane is closed ahead but that only counts if you are a decent driver.  If you are an asshole, you simply plow ahead, flip on your flasher (the only time you use one) and cut off some poor sap, them give them the finger when they honk, then you get stopped at Lake Street and finally you think you can make it to Glen but nooooo.  Someone at the Metro Center apparently blew someone at city hall and their light now turns every 15 seconds.  Meanwhile, you have idled away 10 gallons of gas and burnt out two brake light bulbs.  Because in Peoria, that’s all you do, is stand on your brakes.   

To that frickin twit at 5:30 in the morning that orders the coffee with the whipped cream at Mr. Donut on University making that Arab that runs the place actually work and then picks out 4 distinct doughnuts and pays with a debt card, I’d like to slap ya across the head.  Debit card?  Really?  You can’t cough up 4 whole bucks so I and others don’t have to wait while you sign a receipt and then ask for a copy so we can get to work?   To the Arab guy….Welcome to our country. Take a shower and change your damn shirt.  Even I own more than one shirt. 

 

Do I feel better?  No. I just spent my Las Vegas trip at the dentist office.  I went out the front door sore and broke, the dentist went out the backdoor in his Lexus.  Oh well, at least he waved.